First Date and First Don’ts

Dating is a not a new trend but the way in which people date is changing. You can easily get an app on your phone and “meet” someone. There are so many ways to find a person who is looking for someone else today. Sometimes you can get lucky and meet the person of your dreams. This isn’t one of those stories. (I have assumed the role of the main character. The names and people involved have had their identities changed, but this is a true story. Thank me later.)

I found myself tapping on a profile picture out of boredom really. At this point, I’m really just dating to get out and do something. After countless let downs you just kind of realize that Mr. Perfect isn’t going to pop out of that magic box. Still, you never know and sometimes you find you can in the least make a friend. So here I am tapping another profile picture.

I’ll call him MJ. He seems nice enough. He isn’t Brad Pitt but he’s not a bad looking guy. I’m not all about looks because I’ve been down that road before. Let’s just say you have to weigh the wants and I really like someone I can actually talk to and not just look at. Don’t laugh. You’ll get there one day and if you don’t then good for you. So here I am chatting online with MJ.

We’ve talked for a few weeks now and I’ve gotten enough details to know that he is a “real boy.” He recently graduated with a Law degree so that’s a plus. He can’t be a dimwit with a law degree. Right? We finally decide to meet up for lunch after I have decided that he won’t be cutting me up and eating Me for lunch. Meeting in a public place is a must. Always need witnesses. It’s best to get there a bit early too, this way you can get the best impression of them when they walk in before they are able to find you.

So I’m sitting waiting on him to arrive. You still get those nervous tingles when you’re meeting someone even if you know he isn’t perfect, but who is perfect anyway? So I sit and tingle with anticipation and he walks in. I’m not sure how I knew it was him since he looked nothing like the photos he had shown me. Instant turnoff by the way. If you can’t post a recent photo what else is there that I am not being told.

I’m a nice girl though. I will sit and have lunch and talk to him just the same, but you should know here that I have already decided that We shall not be going on a second date. Rule #1 Don’t try to be dishonest about your looks. I will find out at some point anyway. So we eat our lunch and everything else is just ok. I can’t lie I haven’t gotten over the whole “you don’t look like the guy you were suppose to be” thing. Now I know what you’re thinking… she said she wasn’t superficial, right? I did. You are right, but this is more than superficial inevitably it is a lie. I was lied to and that’s a strike. In the dating game you don’t need 3 strikes to be OUT either.

So here I am sitting with my mystery man. We’ve eaten and it’s at the point of time to go. He suggests that we head over to the mall to continue our date. I’m not keen on the idea, but I also don’t like to be rude. I agree to go and we start walking around. To me a date to the mall is not exactly first date material but he has to get several dates in this one at this point. I decided to buy some lotion at Bath and Body Works while I’m here.

As we walk out of the store he asks me if I had ever been in the Build A Bear workshop. I look at him for a second in bewilderment and before I can answer he tells me that its been awhile since he has been in there. I know he doesn’t have any kids so I’m a little confused at this point. He starts to walk into the store and I follow him with a very unsure look on my face. We walk in and the sales lady immediately greets him with a, “Hey, it’s you again!” My face had to have turned from unsure to wtf in a matter of seconds.

He then proceeds to begin his building process and he so wisely chooses to go with the My Little Pony edition of the bear builders options. He explains to me the one he has chosen is the Twilight Sparkles pony as he does not yet have this one. Yes, He looks like a grown man. Perhaps I am mistaken though. So I stand there awkwardly as he stuffs and sews his pony. Don’t worry he did not forget to pick out a heart to go inside of it either. That is apparently a vital part of the stuffing process. He forgoes the “naming” process because he doesn’t want to waste my time. How thoughtful of him.

At this point I am looking over my shoulder for a hidden camera. There has to be some camera somewhere. I just know that I am on some sort of candid camera or Punk’d show. I have to be because this situation has escalated to a point of un-believability that could only happen on television. At the end the sales lady and he do an inspection of his pony to make sure that it will stand properly on his mantle. Here I am in a store full of little 9 year old girls and a grown man building stuffed animals. I wonder if he considers this working with his hands. Part of me is still hoping that this has all been an elaborate joke. I’m thinking, “maybe he is going to give it to me afterward as a sweet gift.” Not that I need the pony or anything. It’s just the matter of what is taking place. I was wrong.

As we left the store he clutched that bag to his chest as though it was the Holy Grail. I was worried he was going to break Twilight’s Sparkle because he was squeezing it so hard. Our date ended and I never saw that pony again. Sometimes I wonder if she is still sparkling, oh Twilight.

So what is the point? Am I the one to blame for choosing someone off of the internet? No. People do it every hour of every day. They don’t all end up building purple ponies on their first date. Had we discussed my obsession with pony building then perhaps that would have been an ideal date for the two of us, but that topic had never come up before. Not once.

Dating is a process of checking wants off a list. We have our lists worked out to some extent. It is a matter of matching our lists with the right people and then deciding on what the two of you want as a team. Mr. MJ the Pony Maker obviously had a few boxes unchecked when he met for his date. There is nothing (necessarily) wrong with him, but he was not a well-suited match for the lady that he had chosen. Some might argue that perhaps he should have held back on the bear workshop until they had known one another better. People are often more forgiving of things like these once they know and like someone better. So was it too much too soon or was it simply too much? I think Rule #1 played a major role here and everything else was a bit doomed from the beginning though.

So Rule #1 is Don’t try to be dishonest about your looks. I will find out at some point anyway.
Rule #2 is let’s keep some things to ourselves for a bit. Mystery is always sexy. Bear Building… not so much.

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